Saturday, 10 February 2007

Cellphones

Yes, they're useful. A miracle of modern technology. Saved many a life, certainly.

However...

Why the blue fuck did the inventors see fit to allow the owner to program their terrible little speakers with versions of popular music that sound like a ZX Spectrum, circa 1984? Ah, you say, the newer ones are polyphonic. Pish! I say, the benighted thing still sounds like a tinny child's Casiotone demo-track. It's not impressive in the bloody slightest, you timbrally-insensitive musical vandal. And ANYWAY, when I leave home I don't want to hear you, your phone or your gasping, shrill conversation with your friend that you only saw bloody yesterday. Shut the fuck up.

Also, do you really need to spoil our conversation by telling me to carry on while you answer an irrelevant two-line text message in Stupidly Mutilated Syntax?

And, a special Fucking Sack of Shit Cunt Award goes the the stupid prats who LEAVE THEIR PHONE ON IN THE CINEMA. I didn't pay a bloody fortune to have my involving artistic experience destroyed by your ghastly little permutation of the latest Euro-trash dance sensation. And, if you do actually answer the thing, heaven help you, because I will get up and haul you out of your seat. Yes, I will. I've done it before to a man twice my age, and got a round of applause and a thank you from the usher.

Also, ladies, yes, you can multitask. Amazing stuff. Beyond my grasp how you do it. But not ON THE ROAD, please. I value my life more than you value your latest update in your little kaffeeklatsch's gossip database.

1 comment:

(optional) said...

lol you sure showed that old guy!