Saturday, 10 February 2007

Madonna

Revelations 2:20

"Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not. "

Good grief, I hate Madonna. Hate, hate, hate, her.

Let's examine the career of this purveyor of the tawdry, the unoriginal and the adulterated.

She started as the Material Girl. The chirping, squeaking, slightly atonal prostitute espoused the virtues of unmitigated avarice, of sexual profligacy for the sake of cupidity. In other words, a paragon of the 80s. I'm okay with this, really. It was just a silly little song, no harm done. It merely reflected the attitudes of the time, noxious as they were.

Then, when that phase was over, came the first serious "re-invention". In other words: "there's not much more that I can milk out of this manufactured persona, and it's going out of fashion, as it happens."

So she aped Marilyn. A million girls bleached their hair, subsequently lost their hair, and padded their training bras. Still, this is okay. A trifle. I can't quite explain why she remained so popular in light of the general mediocrity of her music, but what the hell.

Then, when this persona (fake) was exorcised, came the stripper, the Gaultier-clad dominatrix. You remember. Cones on her teats, and a ridiculous, ugly topknot. Here was a problem. Kids emulate their idols, and to be sure, Madonna didn't really appeal to adults (except for gay men) nearly as much as she appealed to rebellious young girls. Millions of girls put on rapist-bait, fought with their parents about their newfound sexual guru. This isn't the end of the world, though. I blame the parents, and the teenagers.

Then she wrote "Sex". So highbrow. A series of pictures of her, naked, with lots of other people, naked, in suggestive poses, accompanied by third-rate soft-porn text. It was banned in some countries. People were outraged. Some were titillated. You know what? Bravo, old girl, you made a packet on this one. People were stupid enough to consult your crappy book instead of, say, Hustler, for a quick frisson.

Well, the years wore on, and she turned eventually into a "mother" of sorts, charitably naming her child "Lourdes". She took up the Hebrew mystical tome, the Kabala (which contains secrets on how to make such totally real things as golems), and turned into the Earth-mother-goddess of such trite pap as Frozen. "You're frozen when your heart's not open." Great stuff if you're in preschool. Simultaneously pushing back the lyrical boundaries of Barney, and ten-year old rave music, she smashed the envelope of popular music, which was at the time, as I recall, The Macarena.

Then she did that glitter-and-cowboy hat Boogie Nights-ripoff thing. Which was crap.

Well, she went on to record a thoroughly generic version of American Pie, already a sucky song, with a video featuring her rubbing her pudendum on a football player during the beep-boop-beep solo bit. Eh. Crap.

Now she's releasing books for children based on the Kabala. Hopefully this is the end of her "music" career.

Now, you're asking, where's the hatred? You've been quite forgiving. Quite salutory. Possibly a bit snide, but where's the BILE?

Ahem.

My bile is with the stupid cunts who give this talentless whore a twenty year career exploiting the total pig-ignorance of the mass market. She's fucking MEDIOCRE, you slobs. She's not beautiful, or clever (aside from a low animal cunning) or talented in any way. Wow! She has lots of money! She can pay off "cutting edge" "artists" like William Orbit some money to make her completely bland, atonal quasi-torch songs sound FASHIONABLE!

She's not original. Everything she's done has been a studied ripoff of some other thing, or has simply been created for her by consultants.

She's not daring. Porn-stars do more extreme stuff than she has EVER done. Every day.

STOP.

PAYING.

ATTENTION.

Need I even mention her "acting" career? Good fucking grief.

If you ignore her she'll GO AWAY.

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