Saturday, 10 February 2007

Magazines

What better way to retard your intellectual development than to read material specifically tailored to your neuroses and prejudices?

Women! Enjoy pages of poorly-researched articles about the joys of random sex, celebrity worship and the vagaries of fashion, interspersed with advice columns about gynaecological health, eating disorders, and the pursuit of spirituality. Don't worry, the price will be kept low by advertisers that use 15 year old models wearing accoutrements that make you feel entirely inadequate about your body, wardrobe and sexual accomplishments.

Men! Enjoy back-slapping locker-room bravado, prescriptions on what to find sexually attractive, lessons on how to score more chicks with simple manipulation techniques, the veneration of phallus-substitute gadgetry and fashion tips designed to appeal to homosexuals.

Readers, you deserve the pain that these gutter rags introduce into your lives.

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