Saturday, 10 February 2007

Routine Infant Circumcision

I notice a welter of jokes made at the expense of the marvellous male organ, the foreskin, on American TV, so allow me to retort.

You're born. Forced out of the warm, soft, quiet, home in which you've spent your entire existence until this point into a blinding, cold hard place, where you are slapped.

Now, this is just the way it goes. It's part of how we are introduced to reality. Harsh, but so it goes, and it's probably good for us.

But then, some brute takes you away from your mother, pries your legs open, straps you into a harness to prevent you wriggling, and scrapes off the tip of your penis. Yes, scrapes. It's not a loose piece of skin until you're about 6, but is attached to the head.

This is almost certainly the worst agony you will ever feel, because it is nearly always done without anaesthetic, and not only are there more nerves in the foreskin than in the glans, but you're in pain for a month, sleeping poorly, feeding poorly, while the raw, bloody tip of your cock scabs over into a dried keratinised stump.

I'm sure I speak for all the intact men here when I say that knowing what I know about how much fun it is to fool around with one's complete tackle, I'd be pretty fucking angry if someone had the unmitigated gall to removed the best part of my favourite part of my anatomy. I'd go so far as "violation of human rights".

Nature spent millions of years evolving us into what we are. Do you know what the most absolutely crucial organs are for the survival of a species? Genitals. That's right, they do exactly what they're supposed to do. The foreskin keeps the glans moist and sensitive, while the sliding motion reduces friction during coitus.

"It smells!" howls the occasional mutilation-crazed woman, usually American, who has never encountered an uncut member.

No, it doesn't "smell". I resent the intimation. Your breath smells if you don't brush your teeth. Your armpits smell if you don't wash them. And sure, the female genitals... entirely odourless. Right.

"It looks better!" howls another.

Oh, you're right. Wait! IT MOVES BACK! NOW IT LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME!

Anyway, if I went around insisting that all women trim their unsightly flaps for my benefit, see how far I get.

Most people think it's "more hygienic". Right. It's probably also "more hygienic" to remove the fingernails, but you wouldn't catch me doing that. Hygiene is not passive people. You make it happen.

The REAL reason the practice took off in western society is that during the 19th century, at the height of moralistic sexual paranoia, it was thought that removing the foreskin would prevent males from masturbating, because the normal method of masturbation is to... da-da-da! retract the foreskin. It was recommended that it be done at age 13 without anaesthetic to "instruct the child as to the perils of self-abuse." Now it's a multimillion dollar money-spinner for doctors.

Leave your kids cocks alone, sickos.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is these days, a treatment for burns and superficial skin wounds nicknamed "spray on skin" its quite marvelous at healing without leaving scars. The secret formula as you may guess by now , is infant foreskin. Broken down and suspended in some other lovely concoction.

Modern medicine.