Saturday, 29 March 2008

Harley-Davidsons

I really wouldn't care about these slabs of rudimentary ironmongery expensively packaged as a ticket to the American spirit were it not for the sheer obnoxiousness exhibited by their attendant subculture. The riders are nearly always middle-aged-because the bikes are fantastically overpriced-and so the leather gear tends to do to their sagging flesh what string does to ham.

I won't begrudge a person their right to dress like a twit (I mean, I wear black and a stetson...) but the noise... the fucking four-stroke flatulence that these male-menopausal cunts belch from their unsilenced tailpipes is so jarring that I actually become angry when they pass me by. It's not so much a cry for attention as an on-the-floor, legs-kicking, snot-nosed tantrum.

I suppose that one of these people will try to convince me in Harley Marketing Department-approved vernacular that the experience of the phallus-substitute throbbing between one's legs is unutterably sublime, but I say "fuck you", Harley Riders.

I don't recommend enforced noise regulation on the bikes, but rather that the exhaust pipes are required to terminate in front of the rider's face. On the open road I can imagine that the wind reduces some of the "experience" for the fucker on the bike, so I say let them suck not only on their zero-performance racket but also their carbon monoxide. Perhaps the combined deafness and drowsiness will increase the likelihood of their being T-boned by a large truck.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Having my camps bay lunch spoiled by a bunch of these twats this weekend, i can only agree with you.

Tom

Ladyfingers said...

They do have a habit of spoiling tranquil sites.

How are you?

Jacob said...

You sir, are rather smart.

wdonohue said...

The Chicago suburbs are lousy with them - sometimes they herd up and go for a hog-wallow breakfast en masse. (Goodbye peaceuful Sunday morning!) And yes, the Harley marketing people are exceptionally anal - I've had to put their product copy in third-party catalogs. Who knew cheap H-D wall clocks were so vital to the brand?

cwguapo said...

You have eloquently expressed the contempt I've harbored for these balding, sweaty prats for years. Thank you; you are a fine American.
-Chris

LadyRaven said...

In South Africa they are probably having issues selling H-D's and hummers cause now you can get both for only R300 000. 2 American "institutions" that should have stayed on that side of the pond