Friday, 20 March 2009

"Bouncing Baby"

Why is it required that this phrase is used when announcing someone's latest veiny loin-extrusion? Is this some long-written social statute?

"Jack and Jill McBreeder are now the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy."

This never sounds cute or even remotely plausible. It's a newborn. It's lying flailing and screaming in a puddle of its own excreta. Hell, even if you dropped a newborn, it'd be unlikely to bounce. Unless you dropped it onto a trampoline, I'll concede, but I don't think very many new parents do this and if they did, I doubt they'd want it announced.

Is it the buh-buh alliteration that you like? Why don't you just cave and say it in full-on baby-talk to more properly satisfy your insufferable fawning urge.


Garg the Unzola said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that this phrase originates in the days of yore when survival of the fittest was more practical than mere genetic drift.

A baby, upon being born, was bounced off a cobblestone road or later, a slab of concrete to see if it were indeed bouncing. If the baby bounced, he'd be a bouncing baby and thus a fit little fellow. If he slopped, he'd be a waste of valuable knitting and butter churning time exchanged for hanky panky.

Ladyfingers said...

I think you are telling porkies, Mister Garg.

Garg the Unzola said...

Am not! It's obvious that I bounced off my head several times!

Aphie said...

Having tested an hypothesis on my own spawn, I can confirm that baby boys do actually bounce.

...some of them, anyway.