Friday, 20 March 2009

"Bouncing Baby"

Why is it required that this phrase is used when announcing someone's latest veiny loin-extrusion? Is this some long-written social statute?

"Jack and Jill McBreeder are now the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy."

This never sounds cute or even remotely plausible. It's a newborn. It's lying flailing and screaming in a puddle of its own excreta. Hell, even if you dropped a newborn, it'd be unlikely to bounce. Unless you dropped it onto a trampoline, I'll concede, but I don't think very many new parents do this and if they did, I doubt they'd want it announced.

Is it the buh-buh alliteration that you like? Why don't you just cave and say it in full-on baby-talk to more properly satisfy your insufferable fawning urge.

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Randomly-Sized AV Components

It's nice how devices are getting smaller and cables are being reduced to single-strand digital thoroughfares (although HDCP is a joke) but whatever happened to devices all having the same area with big rubber feet to allow breathing when stacked?

My desk could have one unsightly stack of components, but because nothing stacks any more, it now has five. The concession to the lack of vertical stacking options is to package a little foot to flip the device on its side. Or be clever and charge extra for it. And a curved top? Fuck you, Sony.

And if you do flip these devices on their side, you have to look at the hideous Death Star underside of the thing with all its miserable warning labels, authenticity certificates and ugly ventilation.

And, when gadgets were stacked, the cables were all safely hidden behind them. Now the back edge of my table looks like a plastic-coated liana infestation; a veritable hammock of flex.

Has an entire generation of designers somehow managed to grow up with neither Lego nor Meccano? Or are they secretly dreaming of the day when their little box generates some kind of aura that drives every other thing out of the room so that it becomes a minimalist, Cupertino-approved shop display?

Give me back my rackmount options, you chunky-spectacled cunts.